@BrettDruck: When somebody asks for directions I just say "follow your heart" and drive away.
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@FredPirollo: "Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*
@Sickayduh: DAD: I can't believe you bought me a house for Christmas SON: I hope you enjoy it DAD: I'm just gonna... SON: Oh no DAD: Live in the present
@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.
@LnL245: Hacker 1: She wrote her password recovery questions. H2: So? H1: "Fav Law of Thermodynamics?" There's more than one? H2: F this. Who's next?