@GrantTanaka: When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say "Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima," & then start swearing in Japanese.
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@sip_at_home_mom: This dressing room attendant would be a lot more helpful if she offered to bring me a drink, instead of a different size.
@AimeeHelene1: To the person that put "SMILE" as their name on the printer... I will not!! In fact, I will hunt you down and force you to watch me frown.
@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
@Dani_Feld: What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich? What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth?