@GrantTanaka: When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say "Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima," & then start swearing in Japanese.
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@meatlobes: *im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*
@DirtMcTurd: One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together
@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though