@GrantTanaka: When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say "Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima," & then start swearing in Japanese.
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@TheRolo: And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind.
@Sam_From_Kansas: This waitress at Olive Garden has been grating cheese onto my plate for 13 hours now.
@TheDairylandDon: COP: You're under arrest for owning a non-domesticated animal. ME:(looks at otter)You mean Dave? COP:...and for this weed ME: That's Dave's
@LagunaBeachPOV: I want a name that can only be written using straight lines, so I'll be changing my name to Wilx Kivz.