@MissyBell71: When someone asks me, "Is this seat saved?" I like to say "No, but we're still praying for it" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead.
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@thelaurenobrien: Sometimes when I'm in the shower I'll hear a strange noise and start singing EXTRA good in case the intruder has some connections.
@Elizasoul80: Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado.
@ibid78: *angrily whispering over crib* "Sheila you know I was raised by wolves. I have to pay it forward." "But why do they need their own cribs?"
@lafpgh: Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can’t go, I’m allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said.