@Boleyngirly: When someone asks "You know what I think?", I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.
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@KKAlThani: My friend showed up wearing a "Narnia is real" shirt which suits him cause they both aren't planning to come out of the closet anytime soon.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [pulled over by cop] COP: evening folks. this is a random doug test. can I see some ID? MY FRIEND DOUG IN THE BACK SEAT: [starts sweating]
@BrianHDot: Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*