@Just_Lee_: When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
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@dyldonot: [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows
@online_rat: one time a girl told me she listens to "anything but country" so i played pterodactyl noises on on full volume the whole way to Ruby Tuesday
@michaelianblack: Fun fact: The hip word "chillax" is a combination of the slang term "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."
@MeatloafComedy: My pants embarrassed me in front of a chick again. How many times must I tell them that it's rude to point???