@shutupmikeginn: I want to put a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumpersticker on a goose

@withanewname: Wife: "Bad day?" Me: "Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid." Wife: "Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold."

@TheBoydP: If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazine for the articles?

@darksideang: My husband gets so cranky when I come home from the pool with only a fraction of the kids I left with

@BoogTweets: Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym.