@bridger_w: When someone says, "I haven't seen you in forever," a fun response is, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"
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@amyjcordova: Bartender: What can I get you, gorgeous? Me: The blood of all my enemies. Bartender: Me: Bartender: Me: Miller Light
@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when i eat a slice of bread and it grows into a bread tree in my stomach
@daveexplosm: The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too.