@Jimmy_Smacks: When someone says "We can still be friends" after a break up it's like saying..."The dog died but can we still keep it?"
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@Heldinchains: My kid just said his dinner tasted like cat litter. Not sure if I should be offended or wonder how he knows what cat litter tastes like.
@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."
@SarcasticAlly12: I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters