@ITomHorvat: When someone starts making fun of my air guitar skills I just whip out my finger pistols and it usually shuts them right up.
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@kellyoxford: "The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert" - my 9 yr old daughter
@CakeThrottle: Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
@david8hughes: [end of 1st round of my UFC debut] Corner man: how you feeling? Me [out of breath]: horny Corner man: yeah you gotta stop trying to kiss him