@maughammom: Either my daughter has pink glitter in her hair or head lice is way more fabulous than I remember.

@charliedelta7: Your face. There's a bat for that.

@Brampersandon_: [doing a sexy skype chat] GF: show me urs & I'll show u mine ME: mmm baby I can't wait *we both lower our cams to show each other our dogs*

@TheMichaelRock: *wife notices the books all over the floor* FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE'S NO SECRET PASSAGE!

@Kyle_Lippert: My ex and I would role play from time to time. She would dress up as a teacher and call my mother to tell her that I ate the Crayons again.