@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.

@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.

@the_blacklisted: How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator

@DaHess1: Tonight's flirtation brought to you by the letter Booze. It's a word? Whatever, man. I don't know algebra and shit.

@LoveNLunchmeat: When I was a kid, we jumped fences, biked without helmets & drank out of public water fountains. It was a dangerous time, full of microbes.