@Freudianscript: When someone tells you to "get a Life," just take theirs. They'll be happy you took their advice, and you'll be happy they're dead.
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@rickkondell: If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
@RandiLawson: I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman.
@TheGladStork: Computer: Do you trust this device? Me: Why? Is there something you're not telling me?
@Jarhead44: My ex just followed me on Twitter. That said: "Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary." *BLOCKED*