@iLikeCatShirts: When someone tries to tell me they can't do something, I'm like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
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@GoldenSpirals: Me: Goodnight Moon. Moon: Don't "Goodnight" me! Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been?
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: ugh I hate this slow cooker SLOTH [still putting his apron on] I hate you too, Sharon
@AthenaMystique: I'd only convert to Christianity to learn how to turn water to wine. WHADYA MEAN THEY DON'T TEACH YOU THAT? WHAT'S THE POINT, THEN?
@InternetHippo: "What are you doing, idiot?" – me, to other drivers on the road "What are you doing, idiot?" – me, to myself, in all other situations