@ventivodkacran: When someone yells "STOP!" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen.
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@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken
@KyleMcDowell86: Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water Step4) Go outside & get all the cats
@Book_Krazy: [Couples Therapy] HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26 ME: OMG SEE!
@Sean_Burgundy_: Waitress: Would you prefer your order with a side of fries or salad? Me: Would you prefer your tip with cash or advice?