@didifalldown: [God Creating] Lucifer: Make them wake up paralyzed sometimes G: That sounds horrible L: People will love it G: Hm, I trusted you on spiders

@WickedRapunzel: Customer: Can someone else serve us? Me:? C:I don't want my children exposed to the sin of your tattoos. M: Satan wants their tiny souls.

@deardilettante: At least there's one other woman who's more wasted than me in this emergency room. No, my mistake, she's got dementia.

@murrman5: can you start monday at 8? "yes, thank you for the opportunity" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? "am or pm?"

@ddsmidt: A fight or flight situation. Like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with "the look" on her face.