@ventivodkacran: When someone yells "STOP!" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen.
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@ValeeGrrl: POLICE OFFICER: [frisking me] why do you have chicken nuggets in all your pockets? ME: they're medicinal
@Go2Slp: How to sports: - Take a ball - Put it someplace someone else doesn't want you to put it - Congratulations you've now sportsed
@FXTVaddict: Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she thought I said rum and Coke. Boss: 5 times? Me: Yeah I guess. B: ..... M: HR again?