@OctopusCaveman: When Sting dies I’m calling him Stung.
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@WildeThingy: Freddie Mercury: "Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?" Brian May: um... Fandango? Freddie: "Perfect!" *snorts another line of coke*
@Rollmaninoz: Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere.
@girlontapas: Diet app pops up "What did you have for dinner?" *looking at glass of wine* *turns off phone*
@badAzz_mom: If you ever want your kids to communicate with you, just make sure you're talking to someone else on the phone.