@Jason_Horton: When texting a girl "will you marry me" what's the best emoji to use?
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@ericsshadow: My wife spent two weeks deciding what color to paint the bathroom. I got a cat on my 9th birthday and named it Cat.
@iGreenMonk: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replied, "I know. I saw your tweet!"
@cjwerleman: Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.