@Dutch_50: When the cleaning lady say's "Have a good night", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our "You too" response in harmony.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.
@Eightinchgoat: Sorry I tried to strengthen my immune system by asking your wife to breast feed me.
@LegoGodzilla: [first date] GIRL: When you said "fitness freak" in your profile, this isn't what I expected HALF-MAN/HALF-TREADMILL: It was an old photo
@SamGrittner: The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana.