@WAYNES_O: When the mosquito landed on my face, it was one of the easier decisions of the day for my wife.
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@WilliamRodgers: My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch
@weinerdog4life: I hate when people talk to me while I'm using the restroom, the other day, this guy was all like "Sir this is a display model at Home Depot"
@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.