@WAYNES_O: When the mosquito landed on my face, it was one of the easier decisions of the day for my wife.
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@Crunk_Jews: [first date] Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once
@mrjohndarby: [on honeymoon in Paris] Her: Look, there's the Eiffel Tower Me: Wait, I thought you said you'd never been to Paris before?
@oria2326: I am so used to automatic doors at work that when I come across one I have to physically open I just stand there like a dummy
@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.