@BuckyIsotope: When you gaze into the abyss sometimes the abyss pats you gently on the hand and says she's just not that into you.
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@WheelTod: I'm the outdoorsy type. I hate being chained to a desk all day, but management say they have no choice until I stop biting my coworkers.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're giving the dog a manicure? ME: No, technically this is a pedicure.
@ShaeAaron: My bra is off, my pajamas are on, my hair is up. I'm not sure if I'm going to bed, or to Walmart.
@anerdonfire2: Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is