@chris_isloi: When you give someone a present, unless you say "open it", they're legally not allowed to look inside.
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@SCbchbum: The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize.
@ericsshadow: [traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you
@GreeneyedManiac: I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.