@SloanPerry: when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom
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@TheToddWilliams: [restaurant] ME: Excuse me, this alphabet soup tastes funny WAITER: Well it is Comic Sans
@Parkerlawyer: My internet has been out for 24 hours and now my kids are moving out. That was easy.
@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."