@SloanPerry: when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom
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@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@BAnderson_30: Good thing Brazil won...otherwise I'm pretty sure they would've just cancelled the rest of the World Cup.
@drewjanda: Inventor of raisins: "What do you like about grapes" me: the juice part, the freshness Inventor: right but what if they had neither
@mexinonblonde: Fun Fact: You can edit and crop a selfie so that we aren't able to see the cataclysmic disaster of dirty clothes in the background!