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@Madan_Chikna: When you take Google Maps too seriously.
@crunchenhanced: Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy .
Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.
@MarfSalvador: Me: Forgive me father I have sinned
Priest: Get out of my house
M: But it's a big sin
P: *sigh* Speak child
M: I broke into your house
@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
@tvandjam: Wow, you're a Sagittarius??
That must mean you're trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes
@Writepop: "Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center