@DOGGEAUX: when you try to move in a video game but you accidentalyl have the chat box open
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@dumbbeezie: People think doing meth makes you lose weight but actually it’s the climbing buildings and ripping out the plumbing
@theshantilly: Him: You're pretty obnoxious. You know that? Me: I'm sorry. All I heard was pretty.
@KayRants: Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I'm reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
@phxguy88: A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do.