@markleggett: "When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead." - Neil deGrasse Tyson.
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@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
@nthonyswan: Airlines. Graciously giving you the choice to have feet, or a personal item, but not both.
@TheRolo: [Sees restaurant is packed] *Pays hostess $20 to read note* "Attn patrons there is a vintage yard sale across the street" *Hipsters clear*