@markleggett: "When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead." - Neil deGrasse Tyson.
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@d_duhwit: Enviromentalists:"How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):"Pull all those big whales out.
@SooInnocentDad: My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home
@SuperJuanderer: [psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: You put "summoning demons" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?