@TheTalkingPipe: I bet those 300 Greek soldiers would have stood a better chance if they thought to wear armor instead of going to war in capes & speedos.

@HehBuddy: I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.

@Storminika: You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?

@Schmoodles: Facebook is a good reminder that I went to school with idiots.

@ibid78: LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench BENCH: I have a boyfriend