@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.
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@bobvulfov: [gf falls asleep during a movie] ME: aw [i get a blanket] ME: *hitting her w/ the blanket* wake up ur missing the part with gollum's riddles
@ThaJawn: David Attenborough: She looked lovely as she sat down to dine Her: Are you narrating this date? David: It was the only thing he knew to do