@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.
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@LoriLuvsShoes: A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
@KentWGraham: Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.