@PaperWash: When your girlfriend says "I love you" reply with "I love you more!" Because relationships are competitions that must be won.
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@armyVet1972: Just saw a boneless KFC commercial followed by an ad for apple flavored beer. Anyone remember when adults didn't act like five year olds?
@caliluvgirl77: Just made eye contact with my hot neighbor through the window Wish I didn't have 6 marshmallows in my mouth.
@Renie_Rivas: I've never wanted a mansion. Not because I'm modest- I just don't need more places to lose my keys.
@Underchilde: When couples tell me they're taking their relationship to the next level, I just assume they’re gonna start throwing cutlery at each other.