@PaperWash: When your girlfriend says "I love you" reply with "I love you more!" Because relationships are competitions that must be won.
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@JamesonN7: Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay
@Naggalie: My husband asks too many questions. "Who is Steve?" "Why does he call all the time?" "What's this bill for a hotel room?"
@highwayhooligan: I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.