@timdonakowski: When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same.
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@MandiAtRandom: Don't describe two completely different things as "apples and oranges" they're both fruit Say something like "elephants and crystal meth"
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Where do people go when they die? Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not? 3: It's full of dead people.
@MrFornicator: A judge in Oklahoma City wed a couple and then sentenced the groom to prison. That sounds redundant to me.