@timdonakowski: When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same.
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@TheToddWilliams: [grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?
@NoticablyBacon: *Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me
@SunnySideUp1987: If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future.
@_2Birds1Stoned_: If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.