@AwkwardComedy: When your internet goes out and you are forced to get to know your surroundings
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@codyspencer0: The guy who invented folding chairs lovingly cares for his product which is a problem for his wife who has season tickets to pro wrestling
@AddledPixie: "Mommy, why does an old person's skin look so see-through?" Aw, honey, it's just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"