@NoogsCorner: When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.
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@prtxt: Appreciate how some people don't come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.
@FattMernandez: Don't trust anyone who wants to "get you out of your comfort zone." Why would you ever want to leave something called a comfort zone?!
@WilliamAder: Neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights up, so I invited them to my Easter Egg hunt this afternoon.