@NoogsCorner: When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.
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@riesypiecey: Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance.
@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.
@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.