@gerryhatric: When your wife says "It's up to you", it's not.
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@GoldenSpirals: No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
@JB4Realz: Turns out, the guy who invented CPR just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest.
@Fred_Delicious: To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0