@notbedelia: When your wife says she needs a new broom it's best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
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@joci2203: I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay! Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still.
@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
@HeyZeus666: My grandfather said he'd never be caught dead wearing cargo pants, so I slipped the funeral director an extra 50 bucks. And now we wait.