@faizziy: Whenever a long lost friend calls me, I get suspicious & wonder if he's calling me to sell Amway products..
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: I heard glasses make you look smart. FRIEND: That's true. [LATER ON A DATE] DATE: Hi. ME: (wearing 20 pairs of glasses) Who said that?
@ArfMeasures: [Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.