@faizziy: Whenever a long lost friend calls me, I get suspicious & wonder if he's calling me to sell Amway products..
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@Underchilde: [Minister]: Do you take this woman to be your lawful— [Groom]: I’m just here for the open bar.
@Parentpains: My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".