@TheBeerGuy73: Whenever I drink I turn into Jason Bourne. I can't remember much, fighting comes naturally, and I have a sudden need to evade the law.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: Holy shit a street psychic just stopped me & said I'm a special person who cares deeply about some things & I'm freaking 'cause that's SO me
@Proxic0n: Me: I'm a haredresser Person: oh cool what's it like cutting hair? Me: *dressing a bunny in a tuxedo* doing what?
@FattMernandez: [On WebMD] I have a sore throat [Throat cancer] I wasn't done, and a stomach ache. [Cancer] Couldn't it be the flu? [If it wasn't cancer]
@karanbirtinna: I am a brown supremacist. I dream that the whole world will be one giant call centre one day.