@rolldiggity: Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
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@Brampersandon_: [Me]: "I have hat-like reflexes" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* "Nope"
@GrillinChillin9: You really could help childhood obesity by eliminating school zone speed limits. Make those little chubsters run when they see a car coming.
@_definitlymaybe: If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
@jonnysun: OBITUARY WRITER: so how would u describe urself ME: oh, very literaly. i guess u could say im... [lowering sunglases] lowering sunglases