@KKAlThani: Whenever I go for a jog and it's raining, I like to pretend that someone killed my family and I have to get strong and avenge their death.
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@ibid78: "Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.." *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*
@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?
@turkeyheadmac: Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don't apply the brakes