@LilBlueBlood: Whenever I have to park in a bad neighbourhood I leave my Blackberry in plain sight so people know there's nothing worth stealing in my car
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@just1fool: Always go into an interview high so they'll never be able to tell the difference in the future.
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@AmishPornStar1: Best part about marriage? NO MORE CONDOMS!!! Worst part about marriage? No more sex.