@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
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@Carbosly: Baby showers are so weird. It's like "hey, congrats on having a functional reproductive system".
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: What's this bit here? NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your résumé said you were a surgeon ME: My résumé says a lot of things
@Sir_Strange: *goes on job interview* -You come very highly recommended. -Why thank you, I always try to be as stoned as possible before I come to work.