@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
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@AristotlesNZ: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
@E_lok44: I got my husband to watch Game of Thrones with me by telling him "Just wait. There's a good car chase comin' up"
@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."