@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
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@poe927: Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation
@GuttaLikeNoOtha: One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo.
@GuyConfused: Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.