@ComedicBust: Whenever I kill an ant, I always assume a surviving ant tells the rest of the ants and they have a meeting on how to kill me in my sleep.
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@DonQuickoats: Which lip am I supposed to bite to look sexy in selfies? Cuz I look like a werewolf when I bite my top lip
@huntigula: fun prank: go observe the newborns at the hospital & if someone asks which is yours say "I haven't decided yet" while sobbing uncontrollably
@brynnester: Bank Robber: EVERYONE STAY STILL & RAISE YOUR HANDS Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands? Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin
@_Water_Baby: Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird? Tequila, I'm looking at you.