@shanethevein: Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in "I recommend the squirrel".
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BadJordon: [Arby's] BRO [jumping into car]: GO ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail
@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
@murrman5: *put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*