@shanethevein: Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in "I recommend the squirrel".
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@tastefactory: [turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up
@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him. He's awfully thin...
@KatieBurnett: To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you
@Cyd10e: Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death. Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.