@shanethevein: Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in "I recommend the squirrel".
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@kolchak: Justin Bieber songs are much more enjoyable when you replace the word "girl" with "gerbil".
@cool_as_heck: Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?