@997omar: Whenever I meet a new baby, I stand still and let it come up to me and smell my hand first before I try to pet it
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@EndhooS: "Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..." I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile.
@FrenulumBreve: cop: "you're drunk, get out of the car." judas: "bbut I've bbeen on tthe water all night." - [jesus whistles innocently]
@Mr_Kapowski: Contrary to what my voicemail will lead you to believe, I am in fact not sorry for missing your call