@997omar: Whenever I meet a new baby, I stand still and let it come up to me and smell my hand first before I try to pet it
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@corinnemlwsw: My coat is so covered with dog fur that someone's probably going to throw red paint on me at some point today.
@SonoLibero_8: Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
@WheelTod: [Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it
@QwertyJones3: MY DAD: Foreigners in this country need to learn English. ALSO MY DAD: I heard you got a new hi-bird car.