@katiefzack: Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.
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@: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
@ScubavelliDeux: *finally convinces self to date again as there are plenty of fish in the sea* Fish: I have a koi friend.
@Tresca69: Revenge is never as satisfying as you'd hope And the cops always come sooner then you expect