@katiefzack: Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.
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@wolfpupy: the blood of the innocent will run in the streets? maybe it should get a car or at least use the sidewalk
@UncleDuke1969: Me: "I need a home improvement loan." Banker: "What will you be using the money for?" Me: "A divorce lawyer."
@DamonHunzeker: If you ever get attacked by a shark, don't forget to take a moment and appreciate the statistical improbability of it all.