@theshamingofjay: Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid
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@BeTheCookie: At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she'll need to get a job. Is it 6?
@timdonakowski: As long as you're good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina's family too.
@heytherecore: Scientists hard at work to find out what the other 98% of 2% milk is: "Probably not bees," says one scientist. "Dear god what if it's bees?"
@dlicj: flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign [guy next to me is still murdering someone] me: um excuse me