@theshamingofjay: Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid
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@jake_lach: My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement
@girlontapas: The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying.
@DropsNoPanties: Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month? Me: Ridiculous! I won't pay it! B: here's your coffee. $12.32 M: thank you