@theshamingofjay: Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid
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@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
@truegritrumble: FINANCIAL ADVISOR: You’re terrible with money. ME: I bet my life savings that you’re wrong. FINANCIAL ADVISOR: I don’t want your $30.
@sixthformpoet: I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals.