@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
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@TheBoydP: Show me someone who says they like all types of music and I will show you someone who has never been on hold before a conference call.
@iscoff: It's fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car's side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
@BrettDruck: Me: omg look how bad they messed up my name at Starbucks, this isn't even close lupita nyong'o: that's my coffee
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous