@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile* Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco. *Defeatedly gets in Batvan*
@Cheeseboy22: When people ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", I reply "Yes, we were best friends as children until you murdered my puppy."
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in.