@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
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@jordan_stratton: I don't know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
@VinnyPisciotta1: Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart.
@Playing_Dad: [Ice Cream Truck] John Cena: I'll take an Icee, please. Ice Cream Truck Driver: Icee? You? Cena: *grabs driver's shirt* No, you can't.
@Parkerlawyer: Client said she needs to "find her zen" during our mediation and I don't think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.