@batkaren: Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.
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@SeanEmeny: Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
@BackrowSeats: Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.
@audipenny: [god, creating chickens] Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don't care
@murrman5: [wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote