@joshgondelman: Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lemmywinkler: Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I'm just cooking!"
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man] "Hey" Hi "Can I ask you something?" Yup "Why'd you name the dog 'Another Man' babe?"