@BigHeb7: Whenever I'm about to get in a bar fight, I give a karate bow to my opponent in hopes he gets scared and backs out before I piss myself.
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@Book_Krazy: [Doctors appointment] Me: It hurts when I go like this. *gets up and leaves and goes to work*
@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
@relatabledad: no actually it's called an "african-american" eye, bud. and i got it cause someone beat the crap out of me for being too politically correct