@Parentpains: Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.
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@thesarahthing: "I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were driving your truck around the Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."
@aparnapkin: One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost & people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for
@xLiserx: Sometimes I wear my panties over my skinny jeans so I feel like a sexy superhero. And so strangers won't talk to me at the grocery store.