@MariyaAlexander: Whenever people say they're willing to do "whatever it takes" to "make it in Hollywood" they never mean "patiently work on their craft".
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@WildeThingy: Freddie Mercury: "Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?" Brian May: um... Fandango? Freddie: "Perfect!" *snorts another line of coke*
@the_paramedicK: Mom: why are your eyes dilated Me: your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love Mom: what were you looking at Me: memes
@_wangwe: Judge: Did you commit murder? Me: I'm a man. I'm afraid of commitment. Judge: hahaha! Me: hahaha! Judge: Life.
@stevevsninjas: One time I stepped on a sea urchin and I forgot all about the migraine I was having, so yeah, I'd say acupuncture is pretty effective.