@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.
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@laurenreeves: "911, what's your emergency?" "Hi. Long time listener, first time caller." "That's really funny." "Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."
@Momtoteens: Dear Grocery Bagger, Please don't put dryer sheets and bread in the same bag. My kids don't like peanut butter & Spring Meadow sandwiches.