@waydybee: whenever someone i know introduces me to someone else i say, "oh, this is the one u were talking about" &watch the awkward stares!
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@Mr_Kapowski: It doesn't matter if you can tell an Asian from a African elephant if it's charging you At that point, it's irrelephant
@PhuckinCody: WIFE: wtf did u spend $13,000 on at walmart? ME: [brushing my zebra] he just walked by the scanner and i couldn't put him back
@Gre_Gone: Interviewer: Any special skills? Me: Eclairvoyance. Him: I don't understand. Me: There's a box of donuts in your desk Him: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH