@heatherlarson77: Whenever someone says they did something "like a boss" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Jeffwni: Son: DAD! There's a mobster under my bed! Me: Aaw, cute. You mean monster? Son: No [from under the bed] "Whatcha gonna do 'bout it big guy?"
@thatdutchperson: [Court] "Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Me: yes. *GF from the back* DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
@shutupmikeginn: Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, "Now thats-a spicy meatball!" people will learn not to ask you things.
@Donna_McCoy: [first date] Him: *dips chip into salsa rather than scooping* Me: *gets up and leaves* (...comes back, grabs salsa bowl, leaves for real)