@notthat_1: Whenever someone talks to me, I freak out because I forget people can see me.
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@SCbchbum: "Don't kill it!" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it.
@jonnysun: when u get caugt lying on ur resume but u still try to convince the interviewer that ur qualified for the job
@jackie_ibbyxo: If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.
@midnightwhale: [police station] "sir you get one phone call." [calls 911] "hello 911 what's your emergency?" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage.